


Mouse in the house

by mistressterably



Series: No rest for the wicked [11]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: F/M, family life, gerbil on the loose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 02:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10527363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistressterably/pseuds/mistressterably
Summary: April Fools to Malcolm





	

‘Called in again, Malcolm?’ Dani was busy making breakfast that morning for the girls as Malcolm came down the stairs in a mood.

‘Yes, again. That’s every damn day this week thanks to this blow up with the snap election.’

‘Daddy!’ Mia scolded him with her tone.

‘Sorry, lass.’ He apologized with a kiss on her forehead. ‘I’m sorry about this, love. I really wanted to have a quiet day in with you and the girls.’

‘Needs must, Malcolm.’ Dani took it well. ‘You’ll make it up when things settle down again.’

‘Da….darn sure I will.’ He corrected himself. ‘I should be home by noon. If not then I’ll give you a call. Mia, you’ll help mommy with Gracie when you get home right?’

‘Of course, daddy.’ She slid out of her chair and came over to her father to give him a hug. ‘No bad words at work, daddy.’

‘I’ll try, lass.’

‘Good.’ 

‘Ready to go? I’ll walk you to school on my way to work.’ 

‘Just have to put my shoes on, daddy.’ 

‘Go on then.’ Malcolm watched his oldest daughter run off to get her shoes on. He stood beside Dani, snaking a hand round her waist to hug her. ‘Gracie’s still asleep upstairs. I’m really sorry, love.’ 

Dani turned into his arm and kissed him. ‘Make it up later, darling.’

‘Promise.’ 

‘Ready, daddy!’

‘Off I go then.’

Dani spent the rest of the morning playing with Gracie happily. It had been some time since she’d had one on one quiet time with her youngest and she enjoyed every moment of it. When the phone rang just before lunch, Dani sighed as she noticed the caller id for the paper. ‘Malcolm?’

‘Dani, love, I’m sorry, I’m going to be a few more hours here. We’ve got all sorts of shit hitting the proverbial fan here.’

‘No worries, Malcolm. I’ll go pick up Mia. Is it safe to plan dinner for a regular time?’

‘Yeah, that will be grand, love.’

When it was time to collect Mia from school, Dani bundled up Gracie and walked the few blocks to the school. She chatted with some of the other parents waiting for their children until school let out. 

‘Mommy! Gracie!’ Mia bounded out of the school and ran up to her mother and sister, giving them each big hugs. ‘What a day!’

‘Tell me all about it as we walk.’ Dani, holding her daughters’ hands as they walked towards home.

‘The teacher played a prank on us all today. She said we had to all read a book but it was in German. Then she laughed and said April Fool’s. We all laughed and then took turns to try and read the book out loud which was even funnier.’ Mia looked up at her mother. ‘Our teacher told us all about April Fools day. Why don’t we do anything for April Fools, mommy?’

‘Well, we can try to pull a prank on your father.’ Dani hinted, getting into the mood. ‘Let me think of something. Daddy’s going to be a bit longer at work so we can set something up I think.’

‘This is going to be fun! Won’t it be, Gracie?’

‘Daddy fun.’ Gracie joined in the mood, smiling. 

The girls got home and Dani made some tea while Mia went to change out of her school uniform. Gracie sat at the table with a bunch of crayons and some colouring pages to work on. When Mia joined them, Dani set a cup of tea in front of her daughter and sat down with the girls. ‘I’ve been thinking of your April Fools day, Mia.’

‘Yeah? What can we do?’

‘Here’s what I’m thinking…’ Dani described what she had thought up as a prank to play on Malcolm. By the time she finished, Mia was laughing and nodding, agreeing to the plan. Gracie, not really understanding what they were talking about was happy to go along.

Malcolm was tired from the craziness of the press coverage they’d had to plow through that day. Instead of walking home he opted for a cab. Walking up the path to the front door, he loosened his tie and opened the door. ‘Girls? I’m home!’

Mia came to the front door, her hands behind her back with a guilty look on her face. ‘Hi Daddy.’

‘Lass. What’s wrong?’ Malcolm hung up his coat and knelt in front of his daughter. 

‘I only meant to help my friend. I’m sorry.’

‘Malcolm! Come here, please.’ Dani called from the kitchen. 

‘Come on, lass.’ He took Mia’s hand and led her to the kitchen. Gracie was at the table happily colouring once more. Dani was standing by the counter with an empty shoe box. It stood open with shredded newspaper in it. ‘What’s this?’

‘I’m sorry, daddy.’ Mia said again, pouting.

‘Mia offered to look after her friend’s pet for the night. However, the pet has got out of the box.’

‘A pet? What kind of pet?’ Malcolm picked up the shoe box and looked inside it. There was what looked like either claw marks or chewing on one corner. ‘And why didn’t you ask permission first, lass?’

‘I’ve already scolded her over that, Malcolm. We have a bigger problem. The pet Mia offered to look after is a gerbil.’

‘A what?!?!?!’ Malcolm’s eyes went wide. He was not fond of cats or dogs but they were tolerated in public by him. Smaller animals, especially rodents, were enough to make him shudder in disgust.

‘A gerbil, daddy.’ Mia held out her hands, cupped together. ‘It’s name is Sammy and it’s as big as my hands together. It’s brown with a white patch on his chest.’

‘A… gerbil.. Named Sammy.’ Malcolm groaned. ‘That is not in its box.’

‘No, it’s not in the box, Malcolm. It escaped. Mia had set the box on the floor when she got home from visiting her friend after school and when she got me to come and help her with it it was gone. We’ve been looking all over for it with no luck.’

Malcolm pinched the bridge of his nose, stopping himself from saying anything he would regret. ‘Really, Mia. You know that pets aren’t welcome in the house.’

‘It was just for the night, daddy.’ Mia looked like she was about to cry.

‘Okay, well.. We have to find Sammy then. Your friend will want her pet back.’ Malcolm ran his hands through his short-cropped hair trying to come up with a plan. ‘Right, I guess you’ve tried calling it?’

‘It’s a gerbil, Malcolm.’ Dani chided him gently. ‘They don’t come when you call them like a dog.’

‘Right, let’s see then…’ He stood deep in thought for a few minutes. ‘Food, we’ll draw it out with food. What do they eat? Carrots or something don’t they? I’m sure I’ve seen those stupid videos of them eating carrots.’

‘Carrots may work,’ Dani agreed. ‘We have some in the fridge for Gracie to snack on. I’ll have to cut them a bit smaller for a gerbil to eat them.’

‘Right, you do that. I’m going to just change out of my suit and have a quick look round to see if I can find it.’

The moment Malcolm left the kitchen, Mia turned to her mother and had to cover her mouth with her hands to not laugh out loud. Dani was fighting back a laugh of her own. ‘Let’s cut up some carrots then.’ 

‘Cawwots?’ Gracie perked up at the thought of getting some of her favorite carrot stick snacks.

‘Not for you this time, Gracie. These are for ‘Sammy’.’ Dani was soon cutting a number of the carrot sticks into smaller pieces to act as bait for the ‘missing’ gerbil. They could hear Malcolm walking around upstairs as he went from room to room to see if he could find the gerbil with no luck. 

‘I guess the thing is small enough to hide just about anywhere.’ Malcolm said as he returned to the kitchen. ‘Those small enough for a gerbil?’

‘Should be. They grab the food in their paws and chew it.’ Dani handed him the bunch of carrot sticks. ‘These should attract it.’

‘Thanks, love. Right, off to hunt a gerbil.’ 

With carrot sticks in hand, Malcolm began in the front room. He got down on his knees to look under the couch and chairs to see if Sammy were under them with no luck. In the den, he had to lie flat on his stomach to peer under his desk and the filing cabinets. 

‘Dani! Can you get me that small torch!’ He called out suddenly, turning his head towards the door. Gracie stood there, watching her father with rapt attention. ‘You be careful, little lady. If you see the gerbil you let me know okay?’

‘Gewbil?’ Gracie looked at him, repeating the unfamiliar word.

‘It looks like a mouse.’

‘Mouse!’ Her eyes lit up in understanding. She knew what a mouse looked like and nodded. ‘Daddy look for mouse?’

‘Yes, daddy is looking for a mouse.’ 

‘Here you go, Malcolm.’ Dani, a serious look once more on her face, handed him the small torch. 

‘Thanks, love. Can you keep an eye out in the hall. If I flush it out you can try to catch it if runs that way.’

‘Of course.’ 

With his torch, Malcolm shone the light under the furniture but couldn’t spot anything moving. He set down some of the carrot sticks to try and draw Sammy out. He left the room, ‘Keep an eye out from the door, I’m going to go have a look around the playroom now.’

Gracie followed behind her father as he went to the playroom. Malcolm figured that the little creature would likely be in there with all the hiding spots that it would be able to find there among the toys. He started by the bookcase. Once more he lay on his stomach and shone the torch under it with no luck. He laid out two pieces of carrot on the floor by way of bait and moved to the toy bins. Gracie watched him, then looked at the carrot sticks on the floor. Temptation for her favourite snack won out and she grabbed the carrot sticks to quickly eat them as she followed on behind her father. 

Malcolm, absorbed in trying to find the missing ‘Sammy’, didn’t see her eating the bait. He left the room after laying out some more bait. He left the room and asked Dani to keep watch on both doors as he went upstairs. Gracie emerged with the carrot sticks in her hand, happily eating them. Dani smiled at her daughter and watched as she followed Malcolm up the stairs. 

‘Keeping an eye out for me, lass?’ 

‘Yeah, daddy.’ Gracie nodded fervently. ‘Mouse not here.’

‘Let’s look under the beds.’ Malcolm looked through both girls’ rooms, placing more carrot sticks at random for bait. Every time he left a room, Gracie quickly grabbed the carrot sticks and ate them. When Malcolm finally went to the master bedroom, he was practically halfway under the bed when he heard Dani call up to him.

‘Malcolm! The carrot sticks are gone in the playroom!’ 

Malcolm quickly wriggled out from under the bed, knocking his head painfully against the bed frame. Gracie was watching him, laughing at the look on his face with a half-eaten carrot stick in her hand. ‘Hey you, those aren’t for you!’

‘Yummy.’ She handed the stick out to him.

‘No, Gracie. Not for you.’ Malcolm groaned, a hand rubbing the back of his head. ‘Did you take the carrots from the playroom.’

Gracie shook her head. ‘No. From my woom.’ She held out the carrot again.

‘Okay, so, the gerbil must be downstairs.’ Malcolm headed back downstairs. Dani stood in the hall. ‘Any sign of it?’

‘No, but the carrots are gone.’

‘Gracie was eating the carrots that I laid out upstairs. I don’t think she got the ones down here though.’ Malcolm once more got on his stomach with the torch to peer under the furniture. Gracie, still curious, wandered in and thumped onto the floor beside him. At first she just bent a bit to see what he was looking at but that didn’t work well so she quickly lay on her stomach too. Trying to help, she wriggled forward and was reaching for the torch herself, getting in his way. ‘Gracie, careful now. You’re getting in the way.’

Gracie just saw it all as a game and made a grab for the torch. ‘Want.’

‘No, Gracie.’ 

‘Daddy!’ She wriggled further under the cabinet making him worried she’ll get stuck. 

‘Stop that, little lady. Not a place for Gracie.’ He got up and got hold of her by the waist to get her out from under the furniture. ‘Daddy’s busy. Go play with Mia in the kitchen.’

‘Cawwot.’ She lunged for the last of the carrot sticks he had in his other hand.  
‘Dani! Can you come and get Gracie? She’s probably scaring the damn gerbil away. I can’t find it anywhere.’ 

Dani came into the office and couldn’t stop laughing at the sight of Gracie lunging for the carrots as he tried to keep them from her.

‘Cawwots!’ She lunged again for the snack and got to her feet. She landed one foot square on his groin with all of her two year old weight. Malcolm’s face went white and his lips pressed together. He gave in and let her have the carrots, distracting his daughter enough to grab her and lift her off his privates. 

Dani couldn’t hold back any longer. She began to howl with laughter, Mia came up behind her. His older daughter wasn’t able to keep a straight face either as she was watching Gracie happily eating the carrots meant for bait and her father, disheveled and covered in dust from the floor as he sat with his back against the cabinet.

‘I’m glad someone found that funny.’ Malcolm groaned.

‘Oh my,’ Dani managed to get out before falling into fits of laughter again.

‘This is not going to help find a damn gerbil, you lot.’ 

His comment just made them laugh more.

Mia came racing over to her father and hugged him, landing on his lap. ‘You’re so funny, daddy! There’s no Sammy!’

‘What are you talking about?’ Malcolm looked confused, his eyes darting from Mia to Dani.

‘April Fool’s day, Malcolm.’ Dani had to sit down, she was laughing so much.

‘What? You two? No Sammy?’ He stammered out, his eyes wide in shock at having been taken so easily by his girls. ‘That’s not funny! Not at all!’

Gracie lifted her hands up to him, ‘No mouse in house!’ She giggled at her rhymes.

‘You’ll pay for this, you lot!’ Malcolm shook his fist at them all and hugged his daughters close. ‘You’ll pay someday!’


End file.
